sink or swim.
Two lovers on the screen embracing each other passionately, eventually leading to sex. I try to be aroused by the act and fail. I’m just sad. I haven’t finished any viewing of this film since the incident. All I can think of is streetlights and loneliness. You don’t often look back on these moments of loneliness later on in life. Just at the ones in which your heart beat as one with many.
I try and pretend there is no vacancy in my mind or heart for these memories. I almost think I’m unworthy of them. That the mere thought or glance at or of them will make them foul. But an extreme sadness falls over me when they do hit. It’s the things I don’t think I would have remembered that hurt the most.
It’s almost as though Love’s torch melted both our souls together for an eternity as long as the universe itself.
I am finally back from visiting my lame family in lame Tennessee. No internet for fucking days. This must have been what Jesus felt like after Crucifixion and Resurrection.